There are millions of things that I wish I knew before I had sex. I really can’t believe how uneducated I and other women of my age were. But because I was worn way before the time of internet, I think that life is so much different for young women nowadays.
Having sex for the first time is an experience that has a great impact on someone’s adult life. Those who go through an unpleasant experience might end up dealing with resentment, fear or shame. Or it might be a beautiful experience that would help a person be more comfortable in their own skin and love themselves for who they are. Most people have their first sexual experience when they are rather young and still not sure about themselves and might not be still comfortable about their body images or might be dealing with self esteem issues. These issues will affect their sexual experience and will be affected by it.
I know that because I have always had a problem with my body. When I was 18 years I had to go through a spinal fusion surgery to fix my spine after being diagnosed with Scoliosis 6 years earlier. This surgery was the fourth one for me and involved taking a bone graft from the pelvis in addition to a rib cage from the right side to make up for the damaged parts in the spine. Although the surgery went well and I fully recovered, I was left with ugly scars along my whole back and under my right breast where my rib was removed. This was long before the time of laser, and plastic or reconstructive surgeries were not still a thing. I just learnt to live with the scars and the pain.
My condition was also the reason I first had sex later in life. While many young girls have their first sexual encounter in their teen years, it was kind of hard for me to go through a sexual relationship while I was in a body cast, which was the situation I mostly had to deal with since I was 12 until I was 19, 1 year after my successful surgery.
My emotional scars were also bigger and deeper as I was not shy about showing the top of my scar but I felt incredibly shy about taking my clothes off in front of someone. I just felt that I might gross someone out or look weird. Although I frequently dated and everybody in my life knew about my condition, I would totally avoid situations where I could become naked or venerable, even resorted to wearing one piece swimsuits or tankinis that would cover a big portion of my back.
It was until I was 22 when I started to feel more comfortable about the whole issue, thanks to my boyfriend at the time. He always complimented me and talked about how sexy I looked which eventually encouraged me to get intimate with him. He made me feel comfortable. I didn’t feel like I needed to hide anything or switch off the lights because he simply accepted the scars as a part of me. He didn’t say that they looked OK, like most of my friends always kept on telling me. He didn’t say that they looked ugly either. He just dealt with that part of my body like he did with my ear, my arm and my toes. It was a part of me. Nothing special about it. This helped me to loosen up a lot. We were on a vacation trip with some friends and we decided to spend the night together in his hotel room. He didn’t rush anything and I just felt that everything became natural. We were also older and it wasn’t his first time so there wasn’t a lot of pushing from his side. Of course, he was kind of shocked when he learnt that I was still a virgin and this maybe startled him a bit. But he asked me if I was OK with it and I said that I was. There was nothing violent or rushing about the whole process. It was a sweet nice experience that involved a lot of communication. As someone who went through a lot of surgeries as a child, I had little tolerance for pain and I always had to listen to other girl’s stories about the dreadful pain they feel when they break their hymens. But this wasn’t the case with me. He was very gentle and made me feel that there was no need to rush anything.
The best thing about my experience is that my partner made me feel accepted. I didn’t feel that I needed to prove anything and I felt comfortable in my own skin. I guess this is what made it a good experience.
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